My Isaiah Story

This is my teen pregnancy story. This is how I really came to know Jesus.

There is a lot to The Isaiah Story. It's hard to know where to start. I don't want to smear anyone's reputation here {including my own}, so unlike myself I will tread lightly.

When I was a senior in high school I went through a short-lived phase of full on rebellion. Actually, I did stupid ungodly things off and on through out high school. This time it was different, I didn't want to repent and didn't feel much conviction in the middle of my actions. I don't want to load this blog up with details that are irrelevant to the real story here, the story of how Jesus used a little baby boy to help bring me back to Him. 

In February of 2003 I was a senior in high school and found out I was pregnant. I attended a private Christian high school, worked in the after school care program, and the church nursery. When I found out I decided not to tell anyone because school was almost over and surely I could make it to June without anyone knowing. I probably could have made it if it had not been for the "morning sickness" that literally kept me in bed, out of school and work. Everyone found out. I was no longer allowed to attend classes at school and was unable to keep my jobs. {Please understand that I signed a code of conduct and the action to give me out of school suspension was in my favor. I was too sick to attend class anyway.}

I went through the rest of the school year mourning. Mourning the loss of my friends, the relationship with a boy I had dated, prom, and just life as a high schooler in general. Ten years ago teen pregnancy was not the cool thing to do, there weren't shows about it, and it was highly rejected. I was rejected. I can't even begin to explain the pain and loneliness I experienced. In my desperation I began a cycle of setting myself up for more heartache and rejection.

Until one day, while I was driving in my car I cried out to Jesus. He answered me right then. The major hole I felt in my heart was gone. I was still experiencing heart ache and had hard decisions to make to break the cycle of pain and rejection, but I was able now.

Jesus put some seriously amazing people in my life and I know without their support and prayers I wouldn't be where I am today. I had a few really great friends that stuck beside me and I can't even think of the times without crying, that they literally laid beside me in bed just to be a friend. Two of those people were my sisters. There were others who fought for me behind the scenes and one who simply wouldn't stop inviting me to the teen moms support group. My family showed amazing support for me as well.

I can look back now and see Him saving me, loving me, holding me, keeping me alive. He put amazing people in my path to help mentor me and walk beside me when no one else wanted to! When the school board decided on out of school suspension I was crushed, but look at how God was working behind the scenes the whole time! As I mentioned above, I was too sick to attend class.

On prom night I remember laying in bed and praying, "Jesus, I need to know this is worth it." And that very night I felt my baby move for the first time! It was supposed to be "too early" to feel him, but he kept moving and flipping and the whole thing lasted several minutes. I know it was an answered prayer.

God also met my need for a job that wouldn't be really hard on me as I continued with morning sickness off and on until about 4-5 months along. I was a nanny for a super sweet little girl and her mom was very understanding of my situation and she showed me compassion.

Then, in July I had sworn off all guys-forever. Except my baby boy. It was going to be us against the world. Until Mackey came along. {A blog for another day, but this was a big promise God didn't wait to deliver to Isaiah and me.}

At around 8 months into the pregnancy I suddenly was overcome with fear about parenting. Even with Mackey by my side, I felt like I might still end up parenting alone. I thought perhaps adoption would be the best route. I found a family and everything.

Isaiah came 2 days late, on November 6th at 4:20 pm. It was eventful to say the least. He went home on November 3rd, after the hospital social worker had coerced me to release him to the adoptive parents. Before he left me I was already having second thoughts. I cried from the moment he left until I had him back. It was heart wrenching to lose him and it was heart wrenching to take him back. {Just a little side story. The Lord has since blessed that family with 3 healthy biological children of their own!}

Mackey named him, Isaiah Luke. We didn't know the meaning of his names at the time, but here they are: Isaiah-God is salvation and Luke-light. Yeah, that sums it up, for me anyway. God gave me this baby and brought me salvation as I learned to press into Him. 

During that 40 weeks I found myself praying a lot. Going to church a lot. And really looking for God in everything. There were ups and major downs. I made a lot of mistakes about how I handled things. But He was there, always right there. I was never alone. Even when I still felt alone He brought me amazing people.

If I had not been pregnant at only 17 I can honestly tell you I would have continued in my rebellion. I would have partied and drank. I would have lived a purposeless life and I don't know for how long. The lack of purpose is what I believe caused my rebellion in the first place. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. In a moment that I least expected, Jesus gave me a path to follow. I know that I was sinning and that premarital sex is never God's plan for us. But what I do know is that God can take what the devil wants to use against us and actually use it FOR us, because He is a REDEEMER. He took my situation of rebellion and pulled me to Him.

Thank you Jesus for my second chance, for intervening and creating a new path for me. Thank you Jesus for my Isaiah.